


A Quiet Little Hope

by Hanatamago



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff, Keeping Watch at Night, M/M, Minor Spoilers: Azure Moon, Mutual pining but I again only write one side, Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24774004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanatamago/pseuds/Hanatamago
Summary: They hadn't spoken since Dedue returned - not that there had been any time, and not that Ashe knew what to say. But the Professor had assigned them both to third watch on their first night back at the monastery, and now was as good a time as any... If only Ashe could work up the nerve.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	A Quiet Little Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spiritual predecessor to The Quietest Parts of War, which is Dedue-centric Ashedue pining. :)  
> (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578975)

The night air at Garreg Mach stood still and quiet, punctuated only by a handful of crackling torches and braziers spaced along the high, scaffolded walls. Amber light cast wavering shadows along the stones of the ramparts. A scattered mix of trees, bare and evergreen, swayed in the frigid winds along the rolling peaks around the monastery. Glittering, icy little swirls of snow blew in from the peaks, chilling Ashe right down to the bone. Brr! Ah, the calendar had changed, but some nights, it still felt like a bitter Pegasus Moon. Chilly. Quiet. Somber, even, but… Well, it’s unfair to hold that against a month, isn’t it?

Ashe tossed a few logs into the brazier and set them alight with a torch from the wall. One end of the firewood was damp, thanks to some, er, mishaps in the greenhouse with Annette, so his tiny flame took a little convincing to catch. Still, soon enough, they’d have a nice little fire going. 

Ah, _‘they’_! Well, the winter was tough. This past Pegasus Moon was the coldest Ashe had seen in many years, and Lone Moon was, well, lonely. But as of last week, the calendar flipped over to Great Tree Moon. Cold as it may have felt, it was surely a lot warmer with a friend by his side.

Dedue. A week ago, at the Great Bridge of Myrddin, Dedue came back to them. And so, it had been a week of hard travel back to the monastery, a week of Ashe’s jitters thinking about what he should say. A week since Ashe saw him on the battlefield, and over five years since Ashe saw him at peace.

They hadn’t spoken, not apart from a few frenzied words on the bridge, There hadn’t been time, and Dedue hadn’t had a moment to breathe. And, well, after that, Ashe didn’t want to intrude on his homecoming. Ah, that is, he didn’t want to interrupt anything important with his… Well, his not even knowing where to begin with what he should say - if he should say anything at _all_ , or if that would just make things weird? 

Still, he was secretly quite glad that the Professor assigned the two of them to a watch together on their first night back.

Well, he could have picked a warmer night, but Ashe appreciated it all the same. Dedue sat atop the wall, barely a few feet away. His eyes were pinned to the forest. Ashe’s were too! Usually, that is. Vigilant as he was, he couldn’t help but let his eyes linger a little while longer, studying all the tiny ways Dedue had changed in the past five years.

His hair was different, for one. Ashe hadn’t gotten a good look in all the fighting, but he kept it much shorter, except for a few locks on the top pulled back into a loose braid. His eyes were still the same color (obviously they were, Ashe, what’s wrong with you?!), but they seemed kinder somehow. Still just as perceptive, and meticulously careful, but lighter now. More alive, in a strange sort of way. Ashe was probably just making that part up, wasn’t he?

Dedue had grown well, too. He was so strong in their days at the academy - even those awful students who gave him leery looks couldn’t deny that. They couldn't deny how many times he saved their hides on the battlefield. And over the years, Dedue had grown even stronger still. And he, um, really filled out his new armor, didn’t he? All that steel wasn’t for show! Ashe wasn’t even sure he could stand in Dedue’s heavy plate - it probably weighed more than he did! And yet, somehow, Dedue could charge into battle and swing his axe like it hardly slowed him down!

He picked up quite a few scars over the years, too. Silvery chips and starbursts hidden under his steel. Not to say that Ashe hasn’t been touched by the fighting, but if Dedue’s face alone is anything to go by, then he has many, many more scars than Ashe. He’s fought more. He’s fought _for_ more. 

Despite all the troubles of their fraught past few years, Dedue looked shockingly whole. At least, shocking for a man Ashe thought dead only a week ago.

Stray cinders fell into the bronze bowl beneath the fire as Dedue swept ashes off the sides. It was awfully silent tonight, but then, in wartime, a silent forest meant peace. It meant the monastery wasn’t being invaded. At least, not imminently.

His wandering eyes caught on all the small things: the glint of Dedue’s armor as he settled back onto the bench, the calculated flick of his eyes - west, north, east, then back. Always a touch too high to meet Ashe’s gaze.

Ah, that’s enough of that.

Ashe turned back to the field, scanning for something, anything else to focus on for a moment. Dedue’s quiet presence had always been comforting, but still, Ashe’s unspoken words began to chafe on his tongue once again. He wouldn’t say them - not the silliest, pining words he saved for his journal - that would be foolish! But he had to say something, to make sure...

To make sure that Dedue was really there after all, and not… Not fake? Not a cruel trick by the Goddess, not a waking fever dream. Even though Ashe could reach out and touch him, the notion alone was enough to make Ashe doubt the very reality before him. But that was silly - because it had to be Dedue. Nothing his mind could conjure up would feel the same, with silences like warm blankets, with a gaze that prickles on his skin like the fizz floating off a mug of cider.

“Thank you for coming to aid us. That ambush on the bridge… Without you there, I don’t know that all of us would have survived.”

As far as icebreakers go, it was mediocre at best. Battle was the last thing Ashe wished to think of, now that they had only just settled back in the monastery. Dedue probably felt the same. Still, they were the only words Ashe could string together, even if they felt too stiff and formal on his lips, like he was speaking to a battalion captain and not an old friend.

“I am glad I arrived in time.” His reply was calm and muted. His eyes never strayed from the horizon, silent though it may be. Perhaps that was for the best, wasn’t it? One of them ought to keep watch properly.

Still, the field below stood motionless, save for the occasional woodland creature scurrying through the snowdrifts and ice-coated leaves. The moon hung high in the sky, but this time of year, the sun would just begin to peek over the mountains by the end of third watch.

“Do you think the Alliance will agree to join forces?” A tiny patch of grass rustled near the edge of the field. Probably a field mouse, maybe a tiny hare searching for a tasty bite of not-entirely-frozen grass. Ashe wished the little guy luck. “I don’t really want to fight our friends.”

Surely it was the only thing on either of their minds, and yet… Speaking the thoughts aloud made it feel too real. Like the words alone might shatter their peace.

Dedue pondered his words for a long moment, silent. He had never been one to speak carelessly.

“It is difficult to say. Claude has much to gain from allying with the Kingdom, but the Alliance lords are not unified. If he cannot find support within his own ranks, allying with a foreign nation may be out of the question.”

“We were all such good friends at the academy. It just doesn’t seem right to fight each other…” His voice trembled as he spoke on. “I... I don’t know if I can. Does that make me a coward?”

“No, it does not. It is difficult to fight a friend.”

“Maybe, but… I don’t know. I’m afraid. A-and I know I can’t let my emotions get in the way, but, I’m just afraid that I’ll hesitate, and then someone will get hurt because of me.”

Ah, Goddess. He didn’t mean to say all that. All the doubt he’d kept bottled up over the last few battles, spewing out now when Dedue did as little as _look_ at him for crying out loud! How weak of him! Well, Dedue probably wouldn’t think him weak; he was far too kind, and he always had only nice, wise things to say, but...

“Goddess, I’m sorry, that all just sort of came out, didn’t it?” Ashe let out a nervous laugh, stiff as one of his bowstrings. 

“I do not mind listening to you.” Dedue glanced over to him, eyes softer than Ashe would have expected. “It is normal that you are afraid. Without fear, you cannot be courageous.”

Ashe laughed at that - a genuine laugh, not distilled awkwardness wrapped into an anxious little giggle, but… Well, it wasn’t that it was silly, or even a joke, or anything like that. It was good advice - wise advice! Only, Ashe had a difficult time thinking of Dedue being afraid of much, and he was easily the most courageous person Ashe had ever known. Dedue raised an eyebrow. His gaze turned curious.

“Did I say something odd?”

“Oh, no - um, not at all!” Ashe smiled. “I think you’re right about that, but I can’t imagine _you_ being afraid of anything. And you’re a lot braver than I am, Dedue.”

Dedue hummed, considering. “I do not agree. You are plenty brave.”

“Come on, you nearly died for His Highness, didn’t you? You were _prepared_ to die for him.” Ashe’s eyes shone with defiance. If Dedue didn’t realize how amazing he was - well, Ashe would just have to fix that, wouldn’t he? “I can’t think of anything braver or more honorable than that.”

“Perhaps, but I think you would have done the same.” Dedue shook his head. “I had very little to lose, Ashe. His Highness is… He was very generous to me.”

Ah, yes… That. His Highness was the reason Dedue came back, after all. Because he was kind, and he was brave, and he was loyal. More loyal than any titled knight Ashe had ever known. It would be a lie to say Ashe didn’t feel his heart shatter. But he would ignore it and pretend he hadn’t felt a thing.

“You left your home and your family to fight for the Kingdom, even when you had no obligation to do so. When it was dangerous to do so, too. Holding true to your values is not always easy, but… I admire that about you, Ashe.” Dedue turned back to the field, scanning the distant treeline for any movement.

“I-I’m not really all that much to admire.” Ashe stuttered. Surely, he hadn’t meant it in any sort of _way_ , but inside, Ashe couldn’t help but jump to silly conclusions.

“You are.” Dedue said plainly, as if that hadn’t been the kindest thing anyone had said to Ashe in the last many years. As if it were really that plain and simple, and Ashe had no reason to fear that Dedue would be disappointed. 

Ashe left it at that. Dedue surely wouldn’t let him argue the point, and had the positions been reversed, Ashe wouldn’t let him argue it either. Soon enough, only faint noises of the woods broke through their firelit solace. 

Ashe had missed this. Well, it wasn’t fair to say that they ever had anything quite like this, a private vigil on the wall, a spot of peace in the middle of a raging war. But they had other things. When they were just students, focused on coursework and not casualties, they would steal away to the kitchens before the sun rose to try old recipes Ashe found stashed away in the library. In the spring, they spent every afternoon in the greenhouse, side by side without a word save for quiet trades of shears or spades. 

The time flew by because Ashe hadn’t been expecting it to end, really. Not so abruptly, at least. Even once they graduated, Ashe thought he might find himself in Fhirdiad, maybe they would even be knights together! All those dreams withered the instant Edelgard declared war.

Everything changed, but at the very least, Ashe’s memories were safe and sound. Every brush of Dedue’s palm against his own, every quiet, communicating look and gesture - foolishly, in those moments, Ashe had always wished for more, but, well, he appreciated all that he had. Even now, those memories were precious. A hundred days and change, they spent together, alternating between Dedue’s cozy silences and Ashe’s rambling stories. Only Dedue and Ingrid would listen to his poorly retold knights’ tales without complaint!

“I missed you so much…” Ashe’s private thoughts tumbled out into the air, unbidden. Really, it wasn’t all that damning of an omission, but Ashe jolted upright all the same.

“Um, w-we all did, I mean to say!” Ashe stumbled over his words. Did he look quite as mortified as he felt? “Although, um, I did _not_ miss the cold winds up here!” Ashe tugged the flaps of his cloak together in a vain attempt to shield himself from the gusts of frigid air - and, okay, maybe to shield himself from Dedue’s curious gaze as well. It wasn’t his fault that the Goddess made winter last entirely too long in the mountains! And being up on a high wall couldn’t help much, either!

Dedue laughed at that. He _laughed_ , the brightest, quiet little huff of genuine amusement - Ashe wasn’t sure he’d ever head the sound. Ashe looked over, awestruck by Dedue’s small, warm half-smile. That was basically a full-blown grin from him, wasn’t it?

“Hey now, we didn’t all grow up in the tundra, you know!” Ashe teased, “Gaspard is actually quite nice in the winter.” And for his efforts, Ashe was rewarded with a kind, knowing glint in his sea-glass eyes. Ah, Goddess, he’s the only man in the world that could ever set Ashe’s heart abuzz with just a look. He really is hopelessly smitten, isn’t he?

Dedue carefully untucked his scarf and handed the soft, woolen bundle to Ashe.

“Here. You may be small enough to use it as a blanket.” He slid another log onto the brazier, fanning the flames higher.

“Oh, I don’t want you to be cold too! Then we’d both be miserable.”

Still, Ashe hugged the scarf close, cheeks ablaze.

“Do not worry about me, Ashe. The ‘tundra’ prepared me quite well for the cold.” The smallest ounce of mischief peeked through his words. “My armor is also much thicker than yours.”

“I suppose that’s true enough.” Ashe sighed, “Still, I wish I’d thought to bring some hot tea up here.”

“Is it wise to be preoccupied with tea on watch?”

“I’d say so. If we get ambushed, I can just throw the kettle on them!”

“An unconventional tactic.” Dedue smiled in earnest, warming Ashe all the way through to his bones.

A quiet moment passed before he spoke again.

“I missed you as well, Ashe.” Dedue’s voice was barely audible above the crackling flames, but then, Ashe was listening quite carefully. “I... thought of you often.” 

Ah, that surely didn’t mean anything. Well, it meant something, yes, but not… Certainly not what Ashe would take it as.

“When His Highness told us that you fell, I just - I couldn’t help but think…” Ashe bit his lip. 

He couldn’t help but think of all the words he had left unsaid. All of the fluttery feelings he hid in loopy inked hearts in the margins of his notes. All of the planned confessions he buried in crumpled balls of parchment stuffed in the back of his desk. All of the things that just… didn’t make it out.

Ashe kicked himself for never speaking up. He scolded himself so many times over the past years for shrinking in the face of fear and nerves and missing out on the truest thing he’d felt since Lonato’s passing. He dreamed of all the ways he could have said something - anything to Dedue before they parted. Ha, and yet now, with Dedue before him again, he still couldn’t summon up the nerve.

“Think…?” Dedue glanced over at him.

“Ah, sorry.” Ashe blushed, “I was just thinking, um, you never taught me to cook all of those wonderful recipes from Duscur!”

“That is what you were thinking about?” Ah, of course he was too obvious. Dedue could always see through him a little too well, couldn’t he?

“I mean, among other things, of course.” That much was technically true!

“I see. Then let us cook. We may not have all the correct ingredients, but it is possible to make some substitutions.”

“I’d really like that - if it’s not too much trouble.” Ashe beamed. 

“Tomorrow, then. Or, later today, it would seem.” Dedue gestured to the field as pale light began to shine through the distant peaks. Ashe had hardly noticed the time passing at all! Part of him wished he could stay with Dedue a while longer, but the prospect of a nice, cozy bed was equally as appealing.

“Later today it is!” Ashe agreed. “I’ll call in the next watch, you can go on ahead and get some rest, alright?”

Dedue nodded and rose from his seat, leaving Ashe alone with his thoughts. And the brazier, burning low as the wood crumbles into charcoal. And his scarf. His scarf! Ashe whipped around to hand it back to Dedue, but he was long gone.

“Dang it… I’ll just have to give it back to him tomorrow, then.” Ashe frowned. Dedue was simply too polite to ask for it back, wasn’t he?

“Hey, Ashe.” A smooth, sly voice cut his internal tangent of worries short. Ashe looked up to see dark, heavy wings rhythmically beating beside the wall.

“Oh, hey Sylvain!” Ashe startled but didn’t drop anything - this time. Ashe could never understand how Sylvain’s wyvern managed to be so quiet when the man himself was anything but.

“Looks like it’s about time for my watch. You can head out and get some sleep.” He slid off the saddle, taking a seat by the brazier. Sylvain looked at him curiously for a second, then broke into a wolfish grin. “Hey, is that Dedue’s scarf?”

“H-Have a good watch!” Ashe squeaked, hurrying off to the stairwell.

He could _really_ use some sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted anything in a while! I've been writing a lot, but for a ton of different projects, none of which I seem to end up finishing lol. I feel so scatterbrained these days, but that's just a mood for everyone in the world right now, isn't it.
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a late Kiss Day fic, because I didn't know that existed until it happened. Kind of funny because they don't end up kissing in this! :)
> 
> Stay safe, wear a mask if you have to go outside, be kind like Ashe and Dedue. <3
> 
> Come say hi on Twitter :)  
> [@hanatamagos](https://twitter.com/hanatamagos)


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